tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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