it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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