Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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