i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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