I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Your dad touched me again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
