I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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