He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
