normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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