nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
