remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
kristin has been a bad kristin
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
