I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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