Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
