I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
