i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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