I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
