So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
