oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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