But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just pynch a tree in the face
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
