How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pants are for mortals
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
