Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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