I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
