Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
