Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
