I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
