Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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