i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
