it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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