everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
a search helicopter?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
