there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
