bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
