You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
