good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
