I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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