come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
