If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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