I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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