Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize