is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
