yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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