Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your cock deserves a montage
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
