dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize