The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
