I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
