Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
