You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
