is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
