So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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