You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
