you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
