Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I checked into jail on foursquare
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize