All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
