and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
