if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
