When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think your dad took our porno
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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