If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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