Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
