i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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