I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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