Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
