these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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